This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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