I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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