so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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