in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
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I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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