how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
