When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Randomize
