soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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