and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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