Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
