We got so high we made milksteak
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
