she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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