I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
