True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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