I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
