clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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