I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
