somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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