I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
