Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
