his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Floor bacon is actually really good
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
