hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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