1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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