i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
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