for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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