tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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