how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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