just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize