he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
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You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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