Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
