Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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