don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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