So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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