im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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