this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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