1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I got chris browned last night
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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