well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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