You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
