Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
