she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize