Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
