so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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