Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
