remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
