Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
