I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She's the barista slut.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
