my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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