let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
