if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
