when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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