saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
