I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize