It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
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took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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