I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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