It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sober January is a disaster.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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