this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
