let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
