My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
