saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
