i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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