This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
