TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
