Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just fell off a train. Bad.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize