Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My room smells like vodka and shame
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
